Always
by Color My Soul Blue
Summary: "Because when your world comes crashing down you can't help but hold on to the one thing that once held it up right." A Rose and Dimitri trial and error story. Plenty of those Rose and Dimitri moments that we find so hard to resist. RoseXDimitri.
1. Hot damn

"Because when your world comes crashing down, you can't help but hold on to the one thing that once held it upright." This is a Rose and Dimitri trial and error story with plenty of those Rose and Dimitri moments that we find so hard to resist. RoseXDimitri.

**Okay so I decided to make my own Dimitri leaves Rose for Tasha story, but don't worry I am a serious Rose and Dimitri lover. Normally I don't write sad stories so I figured I'd give it a go, but don't worry you can count on laughs. So maybe you are like me and don't normally read Dimitri leaving Rose stories, but trust me take a chance this time, I will do my best to make it worth the read. Just sit back and enjoy, it is in both of their point of view. If it makes you feel any better my main focus is Rose and Dimitri's love. And I promise I won't make you sit around and wait for their reunion, because this is how **_**I**_** imagine it to happen. This is set after Shadow Kissed, the cabin did happen, Dimitri was never turned, Rose saved Dimitri, Tasha came around again to offer Dimitri a second chance … and well read on. Rose is Lissa's guardian and Eddie is Christian's, they all share a house in Pennsylvania while Lissa and Christan are in college. This takes place about 10 or so months after graduation.**

**Blame the ridiculously sad songs on my iPod. **

**Disclaimer: **

**I think this already obvious, but Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy and all of the characters.**

**Let me know what you think, I want this story to be the best that it could be.**

**Cheers!**

**Rose P.O.V.**

That 'wherever she goes I go' rule got old pretty fast. Just when I thought I was finished, just when I thought we were free, I ended up back up back at school for round two.

Drone on oh fat literature teacher, the only thing that made this day slightly tolerable was that this was our last day before spring break. _Hallelujah. _That _and_ Lissa said she had a surprise for me, and for once I had no idea what it was. For a little over a week now she has been hiding something and it was slowly killing me not to know.

She was getting increasingly better at hiding stuff from me through the bond. Not that I minded when it came to her and Sparky's _personal _lives, but right now it was driving me crazy. Lately I had been trying to give her space and let her come to me when she was ready, but damn, if that wasn't soon I would have to shake it out of her.

"Turn to page 367…" our professor said opening up his own book and breaking me away from my thoughts. My head snapped up towards the front of the class room where our slightly balding professor sat on the edge of his desk thumbing through the enormous book. Hurriedly, I dug through my pack in search of that damned literature and arts book…AH- HA! Found it... Now, what page did he say to turn to again? Lissa, seeing my distress, mouthed the page number to me, ah here we go…

"…Now notice that this particular painting was done by a Russian artist whose name has long been lost over time. Take note that the man in the painting could very well be a Russian considering his dark features such as eyes and hair…." My stomach gave a strange flop as a familiar face graced my memory. I closed my eyes against the strain of memories and the all too familiar bittersweet taste that came with it. I slowly let out a breath, willing myself calm, trying to pull myself back together. Gradually I opened my eyes, revealing a worried Lissa, who had obviously caught onto where my thoughts had gone.

_'You okay?' _Lissa asked through the bond. I nodded my head slowly before I turned to the side, avoiding her sympathy.

As usual I was in tune with her emotions and I watched them change like colors: first was anger, which wasn't uncommon when this subject came up, then ,of course, the never ending sympathy that all but drove me nuts, and the…. guilt? Guilt about what?

I focused in on the bond trying to unravel the loose threads. Waves of sympathy were crashing into me, her feelings conflicted with one another in confusion, but the guilt she felt was almost overwhelming. Before I could investigate further, she threw up a wall blocking me from her thoughts. I gave out an annoyed huff. Apologetically, she met my glare and mouthed 'later'. Well maybe I was getting somewhere.

Eventually Lissa had found out and at first she was angry, very angry, that I hadn't told her right away, but we soon moved passed it after many deep breaths and a few tubs of ice cream. It was a relief to finally have it out in the open, even if she, Adrian, and Eddie were the only ones who knew. It was nice to know that I wasn't completely alone.

It wasn't long before we were finally dismissed. To say I was relieved would have been an understatement.

I shuffled us along towards the bus stop, taking my position right next to her. Exchanging nods with various guardians sanctioned around campus along the way. While this may not be a Moroi college, a lot of Moroi attend school here because of its closeness to court.

I needed to run. I could feel it in my legs, the need to release the tension that had been building in me all day before it exploded. But of course, my thoughts followed wherever I went. I gave a sad sigh. I was truly pathetic. I needed to move on. '_He_ certainly has,' I thought bitterly. The problem was that was easier said than done.

**~oOo~**

***** Lissa *****

I hated it. All of it, she didn't deserve this. For the first time that I could remember, she looked like she had lost a part of her soul, and that look tore me to pieces.

A very selfish part of me was offended for not being enough to fill the void, but seeing Rose the way she was normally shut that up. I was about to make things so much worse. But then again, a small portion of me can't help to think that this has been long overdue.

It had been ten months since he left, ten months of zombie Rose, ten months of slowly coaxing her back to life. And she still wasn't there yet but slowly we were getting her back. But it was times like these that I wasn't so sure. She had completely shut herself off to the world, lost to her own thoughts. I didn't use much Spirit these days because of _these_ moments. I was afraid that it would only add to everything that she had to deal with, and I had to do whatever it took to bring her out of this. It was my turn to protect her.

My own thoughts where in a whirl thinking of ways that I could break the news to her, and none of them were going to be easier than the next.

I knew the second that we got back to the house she would trade shifts with Darren, my second guardian (_his _replacement), run to her room to change, and leave to go running like she did every day. It was part of her routine, a routine that hasn't been broken for ten months. I could see it in her that she was ready to burst with tension.

I would have to tell her before she went. God I wish this wasn't happening. I wish Rose just would have just let me tell Christian in the first place and none of this would be happening. A perfectly good surprise ruined by one phone call. I don't know why I waited so long to tell her. It wasn't like I hadn't had the opportunity to. Lately she had been acting so much like the old Rose that I was afraid to see her disappear again.

The worst part of this is that all these years that Rose has protected me, doing everything in her power to make everything okay for me, and the one time _she_ neededsomeone to make everything okay for her, I could only make it worse. A small part of me had to hope that this could be for the best. I was at a point where there wasn't much else for me to do no matter how hard I had tried. For the past ten months I had only been able to catch glimpses of the Rose I knew and loved. I _had_ to hope that he could fix her, as much as she would hate it, I knew he was the only one with a chance in this situation. I was scared for her.

"Lissa! Enough! You have to tell me what's going on, you are starting making me nervous." Rose begged cutting my pity session short. I took a deep breath. It was now or never. I was a coward for telling her here, sitting on the bus on the way to our car surrounded by onlookers.

"Good news or bad news first?" I asked, defeated. I watched her face the entire time, making sure I wouldn't miss anything. Stupid one way bond.

"Good news, I guess." She said after a moment. A spark of excitement surged through me. This was her surprise.

"We are going on a road trip to Florida for spring break, but no guardian business for you or Eddie. Just a fun, relaxing vacation for all of us including Adrian and Mia!" I squeaked in an excited voice, and just like I had expected, her face lit up like it was Christmas morning.

I had spent weeks and weeks planning this out, and had to pull a hell of a lot of strings but I did it. If anyone deserved this trip it was Rose.

"Seriously? Ohmygoshlissa! I cannot wait! Nearly two months of beach time with my best friend and her weird ass lover? How lucky am I!" She pulled me to her in a bone crushing hug giddy with excitement. "When do we leave?" she asked, struggling to contain her excitement.

And here came the bad news. Seeing my expression, her enthusiasm dimmed noticeably. "What? Just spit it out Liss, I promise I won't be mad at you. I can handle it." She said with a confidence that I wish I had.

"To answer your question, two days if everything goes as planned." I said, too afraid to get straight to the point. Rose threw her arm around my shoulders trying to comfort me.

"It's okay Liss, whatever it is I will take care of it, but I can't do that if you don't tell me what it is." Rose said. Worried about me as usual, totally misinterpreting my feelings.

"It's not me I am worried about here." I muttered. Her expression morphed into uncertainty. I took a deep breath. "Rose, I don't know how to tell you this, so I am just going to say it." She gave me a hesitant smile, encouraging me to continue. Damn it. "Rose, two weeks ago, Christian got a phone call… from Tasha." I felt her body lock up next to mine and her arm slipped from around my shoulders and fell to her lap, but she didn't say anything, so I continued. "And, well, long story short, he invited her and Dimitri to come on vacation with us." I rushed out the end, hoping it was too fast for her to hear _his_ name. I didn't need to look up at her to know that she had in fact heard every word that I had just said.

"When are they coming?" She asked in a deflated voice.

"Tonight." I whispered.

She sucked in a sharp breath, and a look of barely controlled pain crossed her face. I knew she was some place far away, remembering. And I was quiet, letting her be the next one who spoke.

***** Rose *** **

_**Flashback**_

_I walked into the gym for what I knew would be one of my last times. I had dressed in sweats, fully intending to have my last training session with Dimitri before we packed up left and for Court._

_I could barely believe it. I had made it. I, Rosemarie Hathaway, had graduated, and I was now a guardian. Within a few weeks I would be Lissa's guardian. I couldn't hide the smile on my face even if I tried. I did it. I had made it despite everyone's thoughts. Things were certainly falling into place, better than I could ever expect them to._

_Someone cleared their throat behind me bringing me out of my reverie. Before I even turned around, I knew it was him. My smile grew as I saw his face for the first time in two days. He had been called out on some official guardian business right after graduation and I hadn't seen him since. Moving so that he stood right in front of me, his head tilted down so we could look into each other's eyes. With his hair framing his face, he had never looked more beautiful. I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face into his chest, inhaling the sharp, clean scent of his aftershave trying to commit it to memory. For a moment, he clutched me tightly to his chest, running his fingers through my hair once before stepping back. _

_ I looked up smiling, and he smiled back, but there was nothing happy about it._

_ "What's wrong?" I asked before he could speak. _

"_Rose," Dimitri said hesitantly "I have something that we need to talk about." His voice was so serious that it almost scared me. He gestured for me to sit, and I did. He followed my lead, folding himself neatly onto the floor across from me._

_ "Okay, what is it?" I asked. A nervous feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. Anything that made Dimitri look like this had to be bad._

_ He sighed and with great effort he said, "Rose, I won't be coming with you to court."_

_Just as naive as I have always been accused of being, I didn't understand right away what he was trying to say. A lump formed its way into my throat and my eyes started to prickle even though I didn't know why. My body had understood his words before I had. _

"_Care to elaborate?" I asked, ignoring the tight feeling in my throat._

_His face twisted in an unusual way, almost as if it hurt him to say the words "Tasha called…." Those two words brought me back to a harsh reality. _

_He didn't need to say anything else. He was leaving me, leaving all of us. I felt a single tear slide down my cheek but I refused to give it notice. He reached out to wipe it away, but I jerked my head back before he could touch me. Flinching, he dropped his hand._

"_How could you?" There was nothing I could have done to hide the pain in my voice and clearly it hurt him just as badly to say as it hurt me to hear, but I didn't want to acknowledge his pain when he was the one to cause it. _

"_Roza, Rose you have to let me explain, I don't want to leave just as must as you don't want me to go, but it's the right thing to do." He said desperately, his voice breaking._

_Tears instantly gathered in my eyes making my vision blurry. A thousand things ran across my mind at once. The nervous sensation was gone, replaced a by sick feeling. He couldn't. _

_My heart shattered when I looked into his sad eyes and knew that he was telling the truth. "Then don't! For once in your life do what __**you**__ want to Dimitri! You can't leave… " I trailed off, not wanting to finish. '_You can't leave **me'**_ was what I was going to say. This couldn't be happening. There had to be a mistake. He loved me. He had said it himself. _

"_I have to. I can't do what I want, you know I can't." he answered sadly. _

_My first instinct was to deny it, but in my heart I knew. He was leaving me for her, the woman who could give him everything. And at that moment I hated her more than anything. _

_Words tumbled from my lips before I even knew what I was saying. "You promised that you would be here for __**me**__. You said that you loved __**me**__." I said, finishing in a whisper. I knew I sounded like a broken little girl, but my brain was on auto pilot trying to think of something, _anything,_ and I wasn't in total control._

"_I do…" I cut him off there-I couldn't stand to hear what he had to say next._

"_Don't. Don't finish that sentence if you value my sanity." I said finally feeling anger in my whirlwind of emotions. I felt sick. My eyes burned and it was becoming more difficult to talk, but I needed to say something, desperate to say anything._

"_Why?" I asked, despite already knowing the answer. _

"_Rose, I can't hold you back anymore than I already have. I can't let myself be selfish with you. This isn't about me and you anymore. I have to do my job. What life could I ever offer you? How fair would that be to you, Rose? I can only take away from you. You are such a great person and you've already proved on many occasions that you will make a wonderful guardian. I can't take that away from you too. I owe you my life after what happened in the caves, so in return I am giving you yours back. You have so much up ahead. In the fall you will be headed to college with Lissa and Christian, an experience you should have without me there to tie you down. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for taking away the life that you truly deserve. I am so sorry Roza. Trust me this will be better for the both of us." He finished with a sigh. His words sounded rehearsed and used with his guardian mask fully intact but that didn't hide the remorse in his eyes. He didn't believe a word he just said and we both knew it. _

"_I did trust you." The look of sadness in his eyes turned to one of hurt. His hand twitched in his lap like he wanted to reach out and comfort me but he didn't. At the moment I felt a lot of things but most of all betrayed. _

_The weight of his words seemed to crush me. Dimitri was leaving me, for good. If possible, I felt my heart break further apart. I didn't want him to see the pain he was causing me, I didn't want him to think I was weak, but there wasn't much I could hide from the man who could read me like an open book. _

_So instead I dropped my gaze from his intense stare. "Cut the crap, Dimitri," I said feeling my anger grow, "You know what? You are right. This isn't about me and you anymore, this is about you being too afraid. Do what you have to do Dimitri, but don't sit here and tell me that you are only doing this for me. Because we both know that's not true." I said, not caring how unreasonably unfair I sounded. I wanted him to hurt like I was. _

_I stood up, turning my back to him, not being able to sit down any longer. It was then I realized how badly I wanted to run, to escape this nightmare. _

_Dimitri training 101: what do you do when fighting is not an option? You run. _

_My words hung in the air suffocating us both. I knew he was standing behind me but still I didn't turn to face him. I didn't want him to see the tears that ran freely down my cheeks and on to my shirt. _

_Suddenly his hand was on my shoulder forcing me to turn around and look at him. Something glistened in his eyes. If I didn't know him I would have said it was a trick of the light, but because I did, I knew that they were tears. Tears that would never be shed, or at least not here, because the moment he blinked they were gone. For a split second I thought he was going to bring me into his arms and tell me that he was sorry and that he wasn't leaving, but wishful thinking got me nowhere. Feeling stupid, I hastily ran my sleeve across my face, smearing both tears and the makeup that I rarely wore across it. _

_I had expected a response from him but what I didn't expect was his anger. He had snapped. "What? You think this is easy for me? I don't want to leave! I would love to run away with you and never be seen again! But I can't do that! I can't love you anymore! Things will only become more difficult for us from here and I won't drag you into that. I can't do this anymore. Someone has to be the adult here Rose, and it's time for you to realize that because the sooner you do the easier things will be for you." His words cut into me like a sharp blade. It was the final blow and we both knew it. There was an expression of both sorrow and regret on his face, but he made no move to take the words back. _

_He had made his decision and nothing I did or said would change that. This was over, no matter how much __**I**__ didn't want it to be._

_I wanted to stay angry but I knew I couldn't because my irrational anger had no place in this. How could I be angry at him for doing what was best for him? How could I not want him to have everything? Because I was selfish, I wanted him to have everything with __**me. **__I loved him, even now I loved him of that much I was sure. But did I love him enough to let him go?____If I ever expected to make it out of this, I had to let that go, to let him go._

_Instead of screaming and begging like I wanted to, I took a deep breath and made the hardest decision of my life. "I can't be selfish either…." My voice broke ",and yeah, I'm sorry too. Goodbye Dimitri." I didn't wait for his response. I just turned around without glancing back, letting the tears fall freely. It wasn't until I got to the door that I heard him murmur, "Goodbye Roza. __**Please **__stay safe." _

_I ran. I ran until I was safely behind the building before sliding down the wall, unable to stand anymore. I brought my knees into my chest, trying to squeeze myself into a ball and disappear completely. _

_It didn't take too long for Lissa to find me. I hadn't even felt her coming through the bond. She gasped, horrified at the sight of my present condition, causing me to lift my head to acknowledge her arrival. No questions were asked. She just slid down next to me and wrapped her arms around my body as I cried into her. We stayed that way for a while but eventually, Lissa forced me to my feet and brought us to my dorm where she demanded that I tell her everything. And everything was what I told her from the start to finish. _

_I made a promise to myself that day. Dimitri Belikov would never see me cry again. _

_End Flashback_

It would have been a lie if I had said Dimitri Belikov would never be the reason for my tears again. I sighed, feeling a mix of emotions. I hadn't really seen him besides a few awkward run-ins at court. I didn't know how I would handle seeing him again for real.

Lissa nudged my arm gently bringing me back to her. When I looked around I noticed the bus had stopped at student parking.

"Come on Rose. Let's go." Lissa said softy. Slowly I got out of the seat, Lissa following me. We were quiet all the way until we got to my car, a red 2011 Jeep Liberty. It wasn't until we were both buckled and I had the car in drive that Lissa spoke. "Rose I am so sorry. Don't be mad. Please tell me what you are thinking." She said in a rush.

I sighed, considering just blowing off her question but I couldn't. The look of total concern and guilt on her face made me tell her the truth. And the wave of her emotions hitting me may have had something to do with it.

"A lot of things at once. I don't really know what _to_ think Liss. I never imagined I would be put in this situation. He…" I paused, realizing that I never actually spoke his name any more, "_Dimitri _has been gone for ten months, Liss, and I still feel like he just left yesterday. It shouldn't be that way. I _should_ be over him. I _should_ be able to keep a straight face when his name is brought up. I _should _be able to dance with a guy and not feel guilty about it. Hell, I should at least be able to _say_ his name!" I took a deep breath, hating how weak I sounded.

"But I can't. Not without seeing his face, not without feeling the pain in the center of my chest- a consent reminder of what I don't have." I heaved out.

I put the car back into park, not able to drive and have this conversation at the same time. I rested my head on the steering wheel feeling helpless. I needed to be strong.

"Do you hate him?" She asked softly, totally catching me off guard.

I froze, not knowing how to answer. "I, uh, well, no. No, I don't hate him. I hate how invaluable he made me feel, I hate that he left, I hate that he chose her, but no I don't hate _him_." And the more I thought about it the more I knew that what I said was true. I anything but hated Dimitri. I resented him sometimes but totally hate him? Never.

"Do you love him?" Through the bond I saw that she had wanted to ask this question for a long time but never thought she could. It shouldn't be that way. She should be able to talk to me about anything and everything.

A wedge formed in my throat but I forced it away. "I don't want to." I answered honestly. My eyes prickled but I knew I couldn't cry, not even if I wanted to. I was physically incapable of crying over Dimitri.

Lissa reached over and pulled my hand into hers willing me to look at her. "Rose, if you love him, love him. If you feel sad, be sad. But let it go. You can't keep this bottled up anymore." And I knew she was right.

"I know, but it's hard. I feel so trapped." I whispered back

Overwhelming guilt poured through the bond, washing over me. I sighed.

"Lissa… stop blaming yourself, _you _didn't invite them…. I can't even blame Sparky," I said with a smile trying to lighten the tension. "Which is a damn shame." Lissa cracked a smile but it quickly disappeared.

"Rose you don't always have to be so strong you know. You don't have to go through this alone. You have me and Eddie to back you up. And lord knows you have Adrian wrapped around your finger."

I couldn't help but laugh. I had great people in my life who loved me. I just wish I could always see that.

Lissa's smile returned lighting up her face. "I like that."

"Like what?" I asked, confused by the sudden turn of conversation.

"Hearing you laugh. It's been a while."

Suddenly I was the one who felt guilty. Yeah, okay, so I got my heart broken by the love my life, but that didn't make it okay for me to put everyone else's life on hold for the sake of my unhappiness. I couldn't remember the last time Lissa and I had had a_ real_ girl's night out.

She missed me, missed her _friend_.

I couldn't believe I had missed that. I didn't even need to check the bond to know that. It was written clear across her face. Wondering what else I had missed out on, I decided that this would stop. No more feeling sorry for myself. It was time that I moved on and really tried to put this behind me. What Dimitri and I had was great, but now it was gone and I couldn't wait around any longer. I would enjoy my life for what it was, good and bad.

"God Liss, I am so sorry. I am not going to lie. I hurt, everyday, but I _am_ trying. When Dimitri left a part of me left with him. But the more I tried to ignore the missing piece, the more I got lost. I feel so stupid. I wish I had realized that earlier, but I swear I am better now. You don't have to worry because I will put this behind me." I said with determination.

She gave me a half smile, "Rose, you don't need to apologize for being human, more or less. Not even you can ignore a broken heart. These things take time. Just don't shut me out. I want to help if you'll let me. And besides, no one blames you for how you acted. We all understand. We just want you to be happy again and you don't need Dimitri for that. I wish I had your strength sometimes. You are so strong and beautiful that I forget. Any man would be lucky to have you in his life, and just because Dimitri was the love _of_ your life doesn't mean that he will be the only love _in_ your life. All of us love you Rose. Don't forget that." For the first time in a long time I gave her a real smile.

"Thanks Liss." I said bringing her into a hug. She hugged me back tighter and, through the bond, I saw how truly happy she was to have finally talked this out. "You know, I am really lucky to have you." I told her honestly.

She laughed out right. "You are so backwards." She said still laughing. "Now if you don't mind, I would like to get home and start packing for our trip."

Suddenly my excitement from earlier returned. This was just what we needed: a break. Yeah, so not exactly like planned, but I refused to let this trip be ruined.

"What do you say we go and get a movie for tonight?" I asked.

Surprised she raised her eyebrows. "Yeah that sounds great, but aren't you going running?"

I thought about it for a moment. "No. Not today." I said with a smile.

She returned my smile. "It's good to have you back."

I winked "Stick around, and we'll see about that."

Ten minutes later we found ourselves at a Redbox, otherwise known as God's gift to broke college students, debating on what movie to get. Neither of us wanted a tearjerker movie, but a romantic comedy had not been ruled out. Twenty five minutes, one movie, and many snacks later, we were on our way home, listening to the mix CD Lissa had made for me.

The advantage of having a house on campus was being able to be home in a matter of minutes. I pulled into the grass seeing as some poor soul parked in _my_ usual spot in the drive way. The truck didn't belong to Adrian, Eddie, or Christian. Lucky for them. They _knew_ not to take up the entire freaking drive way. Maybe it was Mia's, even though she wasn't supposed to be in until tomorrow.

Lissa and I managed to unload the car in one trip. It wasn't until we got to the door that we had met our match. With our arms full of grocery bags there was no way for either of us to open the door.

So I did the logical thing. "CHRISTIAN! HURRY UP AND OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!" I yelled loudly, kicking the door repeatedly. Lissa shot me an annoyed look. I shrugged innocently. "I wanted to make sure he could hear me," I explained as she rolled her eyes at me.

The door swung open revealing an irritated Christian. "A little louder Rose, I don't think they heard you at court!" With a smirk I shoved him aside, making my way into the kitchen, and dropped the bags on the counter.

Eddie sat at the table, with my broken alarm clock and a screwdriver, looking frustrated.

"Having trouble?" I teased. He grunted in response and kept fiddling with the alarm clock.

I stuck my head in the fridge in search for something to settle the gnawing in my stomach, but having no luck, grabbed a bottle of water and hopped up onto the counter.

"So, what seems to be the problem Mr. Fix It?" I asked, gesturing towards my once alarm.

Eddie set the screwdriver down gently and sighed. "Rose, I don't know how to tell you this but…" He looked up at me faking distress, pausing for dramatic effect "I am afraid that we lost another, due to your alarm clock abuse. Rose, you have a problem. This needs to stop." A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth ruining his serious moment.

I laughed. "Hey, I told Liss to stop setting my alarms a long time ago. The abuse is her fault." Eddie smiled, full on pleased by my mood.

"Hey," I said, cutting off whatever he was about to say, "who the hell took up the entire drive way?" I asked narrowing my eyes at him and then Christian.

Eddie's face dropped and two things happened at once. Lissa gasped from her spot at the door, dropping the bags that she held in her arms, causing both me and Darren to jump into action, and three different people said my name at the same time. Darren had made his way over to Lissa quicker than I could so I held my place. One voice had been Eddie, low and warning. The second voice was high pitched and excited. The third came out as more of a breath, but it was one I would know anywhere. I stood still, facing Eddie, not having decided what would be my next move.

Before I could stop myself, I slowly turned around to face the owner of the third voice. Time seemed to slow down. Eddie moved to stand behind me in a protective way, while Lissa stood frozen on the opposite side of the island looking anxious. Darren and Christian continued to gather the spilled bags, oblivious to the tension in the room.

I drew in a sharp breath of air that felt like I was inhaling knives. _Dimitri. _

Finally, I was face to face with his familiar brown eyes. My breath caught in my throat, all my resolve crumbling away as his gaze locked on mine. I couldn't even bring myself to count how many times I had imagined our reunion.

My heart stuttered in my chest as I took in his appearance. It didn't matter how many times I had told myself that he didn't have an effect on me, it was obvious in this moment that he did. If anything it was stronger than ever before. His chest continued to rise and fall rapidly, as if by some miracle, I was having the same effect on him.

An unexpected feeling welled up in my chest. I was filled with sudden relief as I took in his tall figure with my own eyes. I had told myself countless times that he didn't matter, but he did. In every way imaginable and I knew it. After not hearing from him in over nine months, my eyes drank in his dark features. His dark soft hair was shorter than it was ten months ago but long enough to hang about his beautifully chiseled face. It was a sight that made my heart clench. He stood frozen in the entrance of the hall, his tall figure tense with apprehension.

Clearly, Christian had passed on the message that we needed to pass for college kids, something that was never a problem for us because we were indeed college kids. It apparently was not a problem for Dimitri or Tasha either.

With the duster missing, he was dressed in simple brown cargo shorts, green Nike runners, and a thin grey polo t-shirt. Dimitri pulled the look off perfectly. Heck, raise his shorts to an inch above his knees and give him a pair of leather flip flops and he would be a frat boy.

After what could have been years, Dimitri made a step to move towards me, and I mimicked his actions only to have Eddie step with me. His hand on my shoulder made me come to my surroundings.

The entire house was silent, even Tasha, which was strange because, if I recalled she never had a problem with intruding on my moments in the past.

"Roza I…." Was all Dimitri had time to say before the door of Eddie's bedroom opened and out walked Adrian Ivashkov in all of his drunken glory.

"Hot damn," Adrian slurred as his gaze landed on Dimitri, "Who let the Russian in?" He asked, shooting an accusing glare towards Christian.

**BETAed by Rachel104, the perfecter of this story. I don't think I will ever be able to thank her properly for her wonderful work! **

**Tell what you think. Wow! This has been a long process, I feel like I sending my child to school or something. Try not to be too hard on me but all comments and suggestions are appreciated. Drop me a line for any questions, Thanks for reading second chapter to be posted in two weeks.**


	2. Ready or not

~o0o~

***Dimitri***

I was waiting.

It seemed like I was always waiting these days, for what, I wasn't entirely sure.

I rang the door bell once and knocked twice for good measures. I was nothing if not thorough.

Taking a step back from the door, I waited with Tasha fidgeting next to me.

"Dimitri, I wasn't kidding. Relax." Tasha said continuing our conversation from the car.

I sighed out of annoyance. Relax. I hated that word.

I was about to relay just that when the door was suddenly flung open.

"Aunt Tasha!" Christian greeted us enthusiastically pulling his aunt into a hug. He stuck his hand out to me in greeting and I managed a small smile while shuffling Tasha's bag to my other hand so that I could shake his.

He ushered us swiftly into the house, kicking the door shut behind him.

Stopping in what I assumed to be the den, we were greeted by Lissa's second guardian, my replacement, Darren;a large burly man who seemed to be just a few years older than myself. His arms alone were probably as thick as my thighs. It was ridiculous. Despite his intimidating layers of muscle he was a pleasant guy. He was one of those people who smiled a lot, but I knew better than to dismiss him as a threat. Under that smile lived a guardian. And then there was Eddie, who was a little standoffishat our entrance, choosing to keep his spot on the couch, nodding his greeting.

_He must know_.

"And you already know my lazy ass guardian." Christian said concluding his introductions, seeming to think nothing of Eddie's lack of enthusiasm. Relieved, I realized that Christian hadn't been told about what happened.

I stood in the background observing silently, pathetically searching for signs of Rose as Christian conversed excitedly with Tasha.

I stifled yet another sigh, wondering for the millionth time that day what I was doing. I no longer knew what I wanted. I was a mess, and I had a very distinctive feeling that things wereabout to get messier.

For ten months my life had been spiraling out of control. It was humorous really. Ten months ago I had thought the same thing, and in my endeavors to correct it was when I truly screwed up and this time I even managed to bring others down with me.

_Way to go Belikov._

I shifted Tasha's three bags, yet again, to my other hand wondering what she could possibly have packed to weigh this much. My own duffel bag probably weighed less then just one of hers.

Thankfully Christian was quick to realize my predicament and offered us the tour of the house; while he joked that Tasha must have packed her entire apartment for _me_ to be struggling. I couldn't help but agree wholeheartedly.

The house itself wasn't necessarily small considering how many people it housed. Their back yard was a large fenced in area that included both a pool and a covered patio. The kitchen and dining were connected to one another with a door way that lead to the family room. There was only a single hallway that consisted of the four bed rooms and bathroom. From my understanding, two of the bedrooms already had bathrooms in them, Rose and Eddie shared a joint bathroom that connected their rooms and the bedroom that Christian and Lissa shared.

It wasn't until we reached the fourth bedroom at the end of the hallway that I realized that this must be Rose's room. The sign on the door was a dead giveaway._Don't come a knock'n if the room is a rock'n. _I couldn't help the small smile that formed its way onto my lips. _Oh Rose._

"And this is where you can stay Aunt Tasha." Christian said hesitating looking to me "And I guess you too Guardian _Belikov_ … if you want." He finished awkwardly. I smiled politely, of course he would think that Tasha and I were together just like everyone else in the house would assume.

"Please, call me Dimitri, and no thanks. I will be fine on the couch." I said trying to convey my point without actually having to say it.

I shot Tasha an annoyed look, I _told_ her that people would automatically assume that we were together.

Well, I hadn't exactly given them anything else _to _think.

Tasha merely shrugged "He'll be fine. He sleeps on the futon at the apartment anyway. I keep trying to talk him into letting me buy him his _own _bed but you know, stubborn as a rock." She said with a mock punch to my arm.

Christian let out a sudden sigh of… relief. I laughed, a small chuckle escaping me before I could catch myself.

Having heard me laughing at his discomfort Christian offered me an apologetic smile. I shrugged, letting him know no offense was taken.

_He must think I'm an ass._ I mused silently.

"You two could freshen up in Rose's bathroom if you want, we are barbecuing tonight and Liss and Rose should be getting home soon so, um yeah."

_Rose would be home soon._My stomach leaped, strange emotions coiling at the back of my throat.

"I will leave you to get settled. _Dimitri,_ you can just leave your things in Rose's room for now." Christian said starting to walk back down hall until I stopped him.

"Are sure she is okay with this…Rose, I mean?" I asked suddenly unable to stop myself.

The look he gave me said it all. "You're kidding me right? This is Rose we are talking about. You above all people should know she will without a doubt not be okay about sharing her room, but she'll get over it. I don't even think she knows you guys are staying with us yet. I think Liss wanted everything to be a surprise for her." He said with a shrug before turning to leave again only confirming my thoughts that he didn't know … yet.

_You above all people._It was like a swift punch to my gut, I felt the air leave my lungs with a _whoosh_and the stab of pain that accompanied it.

Yes. I above all people should have known that. Heartache threatened to overwhelm me. The deep ache in the center of my chest reminded me of the relationship Rose and I once had. When I was nothing but a mentor and friend, I was the person who fought for her when no one else would. But I left.

And yet here I was. Standing outside of her room, ten months later and she didn't even know it.

A sick feeling twisted in the pit of my stomach, it was one I was very familiar with.

I turned back around to Tasha; my anguish must have betrayed me because she reached out to comfort me only to move away again, remembering our agreement that we would avoid any physical contact with each other; her idea, not mine. In fact, this whole damn trip was her idea.

"It'll be alright Dimka." were her only words of comfort.

Undeniably, I, DimitriBelikov, had gone from badass to softy in the blink of an eye.

After Ivan's death, I ran from Russia without a looking back. And suddenly, I had found myself in Montana, the perfect place to hide. Especially, when there was nobody there to find you; until there was Rose.

She found me when I hadn't known I wanted to be found.

And then I was here. She had hid too. Disconnected me from her world completely, something that was only fair. I _deserved_ this and much more for what I had done.

It hadn't taken me long to figure out that this was the one mistake I couldn't live with, but it was too late. She had moved, and I had let her.

I doubted that she wanted to be found, much less by me. I could leave right now; tell Tasha that I was done. I could still hide; go back to Russia, and never know.

I contemplated all of these things as my hand hesitated over the knob to her door.

But the problem was I _couldn't_. My entire being rebelled against my instincts to run. I _wanted_to be here more than anything, to make things right. I wanted to be the guy she believed in again despite everything that had happened. This was _right_.

So with a deep breath, I straightened my back and held my head high as my hand closed around the knob and, with a push, the door opened, and I couldn't turn back.

_Ready or not, here I come._

After ten long months of being Rose-less my senses were attacked by everything that was Rose, sweet heaven in my own personal hell.

I inhaled deeply as I stepped into the room, torturing myself slowly.

Thoughts I had forbidden myselffrom thinking for the past ten months rushed back, attacking me at my weakest moment.

Rose and I in the cabin, fighting side by side in battle, stolen kisses, heart stopping smiles, secret glimpses that were worth a million words, whispering secrets in the dark of her doom room, _us_. My most treasured memories were the ones that haunted me nightly.

And for the first time I didn't fight them, I let them consume me, I let myself miss her.

Clothes scattered the floor, her school books were piled on her desk next to her iPod dock. The light purple walls were decorated with pictures, some of her and Eddie, while most were of her and Lissa, Darren could be seen in the background of most, even Christian was in some of them, but of course, much to my distaste there was plenty of Adrian.

One in particular irked me in a way I no longer had the right to be. The picture seemed to be taken at a Halloween party earlier during the year with Rose as a police officer dressed in what seemed to be a _really _tight fitted button up shirt with the word _sheriff_stretched across her bust and a ridiculously short pair of shorts with a pair of fuzzy pink cuffs hanging out of her waist band, only to be complimented by her knee high black boots. And of course Adrian was her prisoner; dressed in black and white prison stripes, hands bound in cuffs as he kissed her cheek. But the thing that killed me was the look on her face, smiling so carefree to the world.

It was a glimpse of the Rose who she used to be. It was a Rose who I had to learn to love in time.

It was the girl who ran away to protect her friend without giving it a second thought, it was the girl who was careless but equally passionate, it was the teenager who hooked up in abandoned lounges when she was on probation, it was the girl who managed to surprise you at every turn, the one who never backed down, it was the young woman who enjoyed taunting men with the swing of her hips, and the life of parties, it was the girl that was dragged back to school by some Russian in the middle of an identity crisis.

I should have been delighted to see that she was happy, but I couldn't.

I turned away, forcing myself to swallow around the thickness in my throat.

Her bed was of course unmade, revealing her black sheets and disarranged pillows.

Next to her bed was her night stand that held a lamp and an uneaten bag of sweet-tarts but what caught my eye was the worn western novel.

My heart swelled as I reached for the book and realized it was one of my favorites.

_She still thinks about me._

I ran my fingers over the cover almost reverently._Did I dare to hope?_

Her dresser was crowded with more picture frames and clothing and out of her closet peeked something silky and black.

All the while Tasha sat on the bed quietly observing, waiting for me to speak, but of course there was nothing for me _to _say. This was Rose's life now. My smile slowly disappeared as I set the book back down to its original spot.

I turned around in a small circle observing her not so small room once more before I joined Tasha on the edge of the bed, tempted to bury my face in one of Rose's pillows.

The pictures alone proved that life moved on. Or so it seemed for everyone but me.

I had messed up, again, and I could hardly hope that redemption was an option for me. Not this time.

I had somehow deluded myself into thinking that if she could understand that I would have some kind of that was foolish thinking. I broke her and left her for someone else to pick up.

"I was supposed to be the one who picked up the pieces."

I hadn't realized that I had spoken out loud until I felt Tasha's arms snake around my waist.

"Dimka," Tasha started but I cut her off breaking out of her embrace.

"What am I doing here?" I asked not expecting an answer. "Tasha, this is her life now." I looked to the picture of her and Adrian "And I am no longer a part of that. I shouldn't be here." I put my head into my hands defeated.

My moment of confidence was replaced with the picture.

I was miserable, never before had I felt so torn. I could almost hear my mother's voice "The heart always wants what it can't have, my Dimika." She would say while patting my cheek softly.

The bed jostled as Tasha stood. I knew she was standing in front of me, waiting. I could feel her eyes penetrating me, trying to burn holes in my new, ridiculous, clothes, but still I didn't lift my head.

"You are an idiot." She deadpanned.

Shocked, my hands fell from my face; my eyes followed her as she paced the room avoiding piles of clothes.

For the past ten months Tasha had been nothing but supportive towards me, offering me, undeserved, kind, and comforting words when needed but apparently her mentality had changed.

"I didn't work my way into my nephew's girlfriend's plans just so that you could give up before you even _tried_." Her voice began to rise with obvious anger.

I looked on speechless, letting her continue her rant. "We are not here for just you, you big idiot. I swear if I had known what was going on with you and Rose ten months ago I would have _never_ called you!" She paused her pacing to glare at me.

"Wha…" I started to say but was quickly cut off.

"No. Shut it. It's my turn to talk." Her glare intensified. I shut my mouth and waved my hand in front of me motioning for her to continue.

She let out an irritated huff and returned to pacing. "You know Dimitri, when you came to me ten months ago I knew something was wrong but I figured you would tell me when you were ready, and you did. But when you told me why you had left Lissa I wanted to kick you in your shins for being such a huge idiot. I couldn't believe that the Dimka I knew would do that to Rose."

I hung my head in shame. True, Tasha had never told me this but it was not news to me. I already knew that I was an idiot for what I had done. Knowing was one thing; but having it acknowledged was another.

"But I never voiced my opinion like I should have because I knew you needed a friend." She looked back over to me, her expression softening slightly.

She walked back over to the bed taking her spot next to me once again. "Do you know why I worked our way into this trip?" Tasha asked.

"I had assumed it was because you wanted to visit Christian. I am wrong, aren't I?" I asked, no longer fighting fate.

She nodded her head guiltily, "That was just bonus."

I could feel my eyebrow arching high on my forehead, silently asking her to explain further.

After a moment she said "Dimka, for the past ten months you have been just going through the motions of living. You were back to the emotionless guardian. It scared me to death to see you like that. I hadn't seen you this way since Ivan's death and even then you were better off than this. I couldn't help comparing you to the Dimitri I last saw at graduation with his Rose by his side."

Tasha's hand covered my knee as I winced at the memory. It was the last time Rose and I had been together. I remembered pressing my lips to her forehead when I was sure nobody was looking, I remembered her walking on stage to deliver her speech, having made top in her classes, her eyes searching and finding mine before beginning her speech.I had never been so proud. But I hadn't known what that night would lead to for me, for her.

Slowly Tasha continued, watching for my reactions. "For the first few months or so I was content to let you brood, thinking that you would eventually come around and be able to move on, but you never did. At times I would think you were but then again, I knew you were just pretending for my sake, and as more time began to pass I knew I had to do something. So I called Court in an attempt to find Rose, only to find out that my nephew had moved away with his girlfriend and their guardians and had changed their numbers. So I did the only thing I could. I started making phone calls. Eventually after getting the same 'I don't knows', I turned to the last person I could think of, the one person I knew for fact would know where Rose was, Abe…"

My jaw dropped. I didn't even attempt to hide my surprise. "_You_ contacted the IbrahimMazur?"

I must have heard her wrong. She _knew_. She knew who Ibrahim was, knew what he did, knew what he expected of the people who he granted favors to. But my hearing was not the flaw in our situation.

"Tasha, how could you be so stupid?" I knew my choice of words was in poor taste but I couldn't surpass my shock.

Mildly offended she shook her head. "I had to. Just listen. I don't expect you to understand but I had to."

"Understand what exactly? Has he asked you to return the favor yet? What was it?" I asked frantically not giving her time to respond.

Things were suddenly much more complicated than I had originally realized. For the most part, I was only concerned with how I was going to deal with Rose. Never once had I even considered her motives behind this trip always assuming that it was as simple as Tasha missing her nephew, but of course it wasn't, it never was _especially_ if Rose was involved.

"Well?" I asked desperate for answers.

Tasha was my friend, but more than that she was my charge. If she was in danger I needed to know about it. I would do whatever it took to protect her.

She looked at me in a way that only she could. It was a look that said _Stop being so ridiculous, I am more than capable of taking care of myself and you know it._How she was able to communicate all that through a look, the world may never know.

"I had to because I couldn't just sit and watch you throw you life away anymore." She said daring me to disagree.

I was taken aback by her words. They were very similar to what I had told Roza. And for that reason only, I could understand. I understood why Tasha _had _to.

She still loved me, more than I could ever love her. The thought had suddenly occurred to me and I knew it was true.

I sighed deeply, things had gotten so complicated and because of me. I didn't need Tasha to explain any further. We were here because I needed to make things okay again between me and Rose and eventually in return helping Tasha too.

I wanted so bad to tell her the same, to save us both from this suffering, but that wasn't possible.

Wrapping my arms around her shoulders, I brought her closer into my chest and dropped a kiss on top of her head, hating myself.

"I am sorry, sorry that it's like this. I wish we could be different, you have to know that, but I can't, not when there is…."

"Rose." Tasha said, finishing my sentence for me.

"I know," She said pulling out of my hold. "I've always known. I admit that I was hopeful for a while but, I know. Don't be sorry for me, because I am so_ very_ happy for you," She continued with a small smile, I couldn't help but notice the longing in her eyes. "Just don't mess it up, you were given a second chance. Let's make the most of it this time."

"Alright."I promised. How could I not?

_BANG! BANG! BANG! _

I was at the door before Tasha could form another sentence. I listened carefully. Only to hear muffled shouting.

I was torn between staying here to ensure Tasha's safety or run to the front and assist.

Strigoi attack midday was impossible, so that was quickly ruled out. Angry pizza boy; however unlikely that was, it was not entirely impossible, especially considering who lived in this house.

Christian's angry voice carried _"A little louder Rose, I don't think they heard you at Court!"_

_Rose. _

Both relief and anxiety washed over me at once, leaving me once more with that sick feeling in my stomach.

So the house was not under attack from an angry pizza boy. I couldn't decide which situation I would prefer, subduing a ramped pizza boy or facing Rose after I disappeared for ten months?

Definitely the pizza boy.

Then I heard it; her laugh. I had opened the door and was headed down the hallway before I could even consider what may lie ahead.

But it didn't matter, because she was suddenly there. Smiling broadly at whatever Eddie had just said.

_God; that smile,_I couldn't even remember the last time he had seen it.

Yes, I could.

_I had just arrived back on campus. Bile rose in my throat, my legs all but screamed in agony with each step that carried me closer to the gym; the place that I had spent many treasured hours in, but no longer. Perhaps it would be possible to lure her out…_

_Oh yes. That would just make things so much better, wouldn't it? You could simultaneously destroy both of your hearts in the eye of the public._

_You bastard.I cursed myself. _

_With every step I found that I hated myself more. Every breath was forced. _

_Move. I commanded myself. You will do will move on. You will let her. No matter how much it hurts you, you will let her walk away. _

_Those were the words I had been chanting to myself since I had set foot on the plane that would bring me back here; to her. I dared not to think anything else. My resolve would crumble I would no longer walk but sprint to the gym. I wouldn't ask her to sit with me instead I'd crush my mouth to hers until we were both breathless. I wouldn't let her walk away from me; I'd swing her into my arms and carry her to our cabin not caring of on lookers. From there I'd make love to her and beg her to keep me forever. _

_It was so sweet I could almost taste it, but no. _

_Instead I would give her, her life back. I will bow out and stand by like the gentleman my mother raised me to be. I will let her go. My heart twisted, tears gathered in the corners of my eyes, but I refused them. I would do this, could do this for her. _

_My stomach clenched and I sure that it would send up what little toast I had managed that morning. _

_The gym door closed in on me and I had no choice but to enter._

_For a moment, if only for a second, all was right in the world, because she was there smiling up at me. A heart stopping smile, one that I was sure that could bring me to my knees, one that I would do anything for. _

"_Rose."_Her name fell like a prayer from my lips.

Conversation came to an abrupt halt. Bags of groceries slipped from Lissa's grasp and spilled to the floor, Darren was at the door before Rose could even figure out what was happening.

It was Eddie who warned Rose of our presence, Tasha who confirmed it.

Tasha's hand found the small of my back silently urging me forward. Numbness seized my legs, my entire body was frozen. My heart pounded in my chest, begging me to end this torture.

Slowly she slipped off the counter top, her movements stiff. Her muscles tense as if bracing for an attack.

_God she was beautiful. _Slowly she was turning towards me, Eddie hovering protectively behind her.

We were caught somewhere between time and space as our eyes meet. I felt like crumbling to my knees, I felt like I was flying, I felt … _complete _for the first time in months.

Slowly her body relaxed, relief washed over her physique. Her eyes slowly drifted from mine, outlining the details of the rest of my face; rememorizing the details.

Rose, Rose Hathaway was standing in front of me. There was no fighting or yelling, no tears to wipe away; just two broken hearts basking in the glory of reunion. This was a chance I never thought I'd had the privilege to have again. Or if I did I imagined it to be years down the road, not ten months. Ten months wasn't enough time to heal. Raw pain separated us. But for this split second it didn't matter, because this was _real_. _She_ was real. For some time now I think my mind had been trying to convince me that our time together had been some kind of beautifully twisted dream.

Her button up shirt was much too big for her, in an adorable sort of way. Her sleeves rolled up to her elbows. Her tight fitted jeans didn't leave much to the imagination; her stake was, no doubt, hidden expertly in her belt loops reminding me that she was not the picture of college girl innocence that she appeared to be. Her hair fell in loose waves around her shoulders; my hands trembled, longing to run my finger through the soft locks. And then there were her eyes again.

Her eyes held her soul, a soul that mine called out to. The deep brown irises threatened to melt me on the spot. It was through her eyes that I had learned to love Rose, it was her eyes that told me the words that she couldn't speak, and her eyes that made me fall so hard over and over again. For a moment it was almost as if I had never left.

It was like breathing in air after being underwater.

Unspoken words floated between us, words that I should have said a long time ago. The distance that separated us was suddenly no longer acceptable. I couldn't take it.

With only one step in her direction, I knew my mistake the moment I made it. I had let myself succumb to my emotions, something that was happening far too often. Unconsciously she had moved with me.

Eddie's hand on her shoulder seemed to bring her back her surroundings. Her eyes flashed suddenly very aware. A mask that only a guardian could master slammed into place, cutting off the little connection that we had, had.

I didn't miss the hurt that was there, but she hid it well.

If Rose was anything, she was strong; stronger than I could ever hope to be.

I made my decision then, I would erase that hurt look from her eyes or I would die trying. Even if that meant never getting to see her again, I would fix this.

"Roza, I…" _Am so sorry, love you, am an idiot. _I wasn't quite sure which I was going to say but I hate Adrian Ivashkov was pretty high on the list.

"Hot damn, who let the Russian in?" Not five feet to my left stood Adrian Ivashkov in his usual drunken stupor, alternating from shooting glares at me to Christian across the room. The smell of alcohol radiated off him in waves. I nearly had to physically restrain myself from pinching my nose in disgust.

**A/N**

**PUT THE PITCH FORKS DOWN! I swear I have the next chapter already written! You will see it with by Thanksgiving! I pinky promise. **

**Don't hate me too much. So what do you guys think, hate it? Love it? Think I could do better? Let me know. If you want to see something happen in this story let me know! **

**Beta-ed by the ever wonderful ****snowgoose72. It is really nice to have a beta again!**


	3. Broken

**~o0o~**

***** Dimitri *****

"Good lord Ivashkov! I can smell you from here, take a shower would you? Either that or stop shooting me dirty stares, it's not my fault that you smell like rat piss." Christian, however, had no qualms about pinching his nose to avoid the heavy stench of vodka even going as far as to wave his hand in front of his face to ward off the aroma.

With one final glare to me back Adrian managed his signature smirk. "Admit it Christian, you like it."

Shouldering his way past me, causing himself to stumble _more_ in the process, he made his way over to Rose, taking position next Eddie sobering almost instantly. His concerned glance to Rose did not go unnoticed by me. It was unsettling to see such a vulnerable emotion on Adrian Ivashkov.

Rose simply shook her head in his direction some silent communication passing between the two.

Lissa was the one to recover the situation, smiling in that easy way of hers.

"Tasha! Guardian Belikov! Gosh, it's been so long!" she rushed over to give us each a hug. Stepping back to look over Tasha's appearance then my own she laughed.

"College really suits you, both of you." She said with another look back in my direction still giggling. Oh yes, the clothes; the ridiculous clothes. I was in shorts for goodness sakes!

Outwardly I only smiled. "Thank you, Princess Vasilisa. Yes, it certainly is a change."Understatement of the year.

Scoffing at my use of her formal title she frowned. "I thought we've been over this, you are supposed to call me Lissa! Just like all of my other friends. I do believe you are one of the few that still insists on calling me Princess, much less Vasilisa!" She laughed good naturedly.

Forcing a smile at the memory I nod. "I think that agreement worked two ways, _Princess_." I teased.

She blushed. "Oh right, Sorry, _Dimitri_."

"We will call it even, _Lissa_." Even to my own ears the name sounded forced coming from my mouth. Laughs erupted around the room at our banter. The tension in my chest stopped twisting so violently, but its presence was not dulled in the least. Even as an outsider it felt good to be part of this world again.

Rose even smiled, but her eyes were not on me but her best friend. Whether or not the smile was intended for me was moot point because something warm still fluttered in my chest. Even when her eyes did meet mine again her smile did not totally vanish only dimming. Contemplative almost, like she was looking at an old friend.

One thing was for sure, this was not the teenager morphing into a young woman that I had left at court. No this was Rose Hathaway, grown up. During our time apart something had shifted, I burned to know what.

Ridiculous clothes and banter aside my gaze was drawn back to Lissa her open green eyes held not one ounce of malice for me, in fact she looked almost hopeful, catching my stare her smile widened.

"We were so surprised when Christian told us that he had invited you guys! I am only sorry it was such short notice because I didn't have time to get the house ready." Her eyes drifted around the living area and dining room. "I am sorry about our lack of bed space, we could have gotten something set up if only I knew." Her eyes full of genuine concern.

This time it was Tasha who scoffed. "Oh please! Your house is lovely! _I _am sorry that we couldn't give _you_ guys more notice. I certainly didn't expect this! It is so kind of you to welcome us into your plans! I am sure we will manage it will only be for two days."

Lissa's smile returned. "I am glad that you like it! It certainly has been an adventure with only two girls living in a house with four men! And poor Rose has to share a bathroom with one of them." She laughed. Tasha joined in offering her sympathy.

Rose smirked. "Better Eddie than Adrian or Sparky, even _Darren_ would be better than those two! They at least shower regularly! " She laughed halfheartedlywhile slowly edging away from Adrian.

"Hey!" Christian and Adrian chimed in together.

"Oh come on, Rosie. We are not that bad are we?" Darren who was putting away groceries elbowed her playfully in the side. Laughing, she batted him away. "No, not so much you, just Adrian."

To my ever growing surprise and Christian's obvious aggravation she did not lay into him for using the dreaded nickname. More laughter abound the room. No one seemed to think of exchange between Rose and Darren to be odd. In fact they treated it with the upmost naturalness.

Tasha who seemed to see what I was seeing nudged her hip into mine as if to say _we don't know anything yet, give it time. _

My heart thudded unevenly in my chest; I pushed away my envy. It had no place, but then again neither did I.

"As I have explained before, little Dhampir, natural musk is what is most compelling." Adrian explained waggling his eyebrows. Once again I had to restrain my disgust. As it would turn out Rose expressed it for me beautifully.

"Hate to break it to you but there is nothing _natural_ about that smell. What do you call it _Amor de vodka_?"

Laughter bubbled up in my chest spilling from my lips in a hearty chuckle sending all eyes in the room to Adrian's hateful glare was easy to ignore when her eyes were on me.

Amusement mixed in with sadness clouded her beautiful eyes. It was almost like she was noticing me for the first time, like she was finally accepting that this was real.

"Hey there Comrade, long time; no see." A sad smile curled at the corner of her mouth. There was no bitterness or anger to her words, the only thing that gave her away was the reluctant hurt in her eyes. And still I was the only one who noticed it.

_Oh Rose. _

Words stuck in my throat. Clearing my throat I tried again. "Hello Rose, how have you been?" It was a loaded question and we both knew it. To the outside I sounded polite and friendly like I was pleasantly surprised to see my once student again but I knew that she could see right through me.

The smile did not falter but her eyes did harden. She was playing me at my own game.

"I've been better, but life goes on, doesn't it?" Resentment laced her words ever so slightly, in fact if I hadn't been paying attention I don't think I would have noticed, but I was. I flinched as if I had just been slapped.

Opening up was not something that came naturally to me, but with Rose that didn't matter. She was the chink in my armor. The one person I was vulnerable to.

All the sleepless nights, the heartache, the tears, the hurt, the brokenness, the regret, and my unending guilt it was all out in the open. I held nothing back and I was bastard for it. But I couldn't keep it in any longer.

She gasped. It was the pain that I saw in her eyes that was my undoing. A battle raged inside of her, head and heart torn apart.

"Rose, I am so _sorry_." My voice broke. The people in the room were next to non-existent for all that I cared.

She shook her head refusing to meet my eyes. "No. You don't have to be. " and with that she turned away from me, regaining her composure.

"Tasha," Rose said her voice steady. "Thanks for calling. It's so good to see you again." The double meaning was clear in her words to everyone in the room.

"What the hell?" Christian's question went unanswered in the silent room.

Lissa cleared her throat. "Why don't we move this gathering into the living room where we can be more comfortable, we can put the stakes on the grill in a little while. I got a text from Mia. She and Jill and their guardians will be here pretty soon." It was weak attempt to shift the focus of conversion but an attempt nonetheless.

"Actually, I think I am going to go for a run; Darren?" Lissa's face fell; Rose going for a run apparently meant nothing good.

Darren who was just about the only person in the room not affected by the tension agreed easily to Rose's unasked question. "As always Rose, I don't know why you even bother asking. Or why we don't just alter our schedules. You know I don't mind."

She smiled. "Thanks, D." Eddie offered to go with her but she refused.

"Rose… I thought we were going to watch movies?" The dejectedness in Lissa's voice stopped Rose in her tracks.

"We can tonight. When everyone gets here, I promise." She said forcing a smile.

"Rose…" Lissa started again but was cut off.

"Thirty minutes tops; promise." And with that she moved past us to her room, the door shut with a soft click.

"Nice going ass hole." Adrian snarled, his chest puffing up in anger. "You really played that one off well." His sarcasm, thick in his voice.

Eddie's face was colder than it had been in Spokane.

I had no will whatsoever to argue. How could I when I knew he was right?

"I am sorry." I said again helplessly.I knew I was apologizing for more than what had just transpired.

"I bet you are!" Adrian said, his overly aware green eyes looking for something that he wished wasn't there.

Scowling in disgust, he looked away.

"Don't you think she has had enough to deal with?"AdrianIvashkov could be accused of being a lot of things but in that moment I knew it could no longer be of not being a good friend to Rose. He genuinely cared for her. In fact, I _owed_ him for taking care of her when I couldn't.

"That's enough! Adrian lay off! This is none of your business." Lissa admonished, her pale face turning red with anger.

"Like hell I will! You can't tell me that you have forgotten the past ten month? What he shows and the sun shines again? I don't believe this shit! She was getting better, _finally_!"

"Adrian! That's enough! That's not fair! Of course I haven't forgotten she is _my_ best friend! And if you call _that '_getting better' then dear God, you know nothing about her! She was pretending!_You_ can pretend all _you_ want but you know she needs this!" Lissa's voice continued to rise.

"Both of you stop, before you say something you don't mean." Eddie's firm voice broke through their argument. "This is for Rose and Guardian Belikov to deal with. Lissa is right this is none of our business, and we all know very well Rose wouldn't appreciate us butting in."

"But that's…."

"I _said_ drop it." Eddie met Adrian's glare with his own. Eddie's steely tone left no room for argument. Adrian stormed out followed by a slam of a door.

"Eddie's right. This is not for you to worry about. I am sorry that I have caused you all so much grief."

Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that when I left that it would nearly tear her world apart. At the time mine was already coming apart at the seams, Rose was what had held it together. I hadn't wanted her to give up her life for me, but she tried anyway. 

"I know you didn't mean too." Her face full of understanding sympathy; but she couldn't possibly understand.

_Stop being so got damned nice to me_. _I hurt her. I still hurt her._

No one in this room could possibly understand what it felt like to love someone so much that you would give up them up so that they could have what they deserved. They didn't know hurt until they were the one's responsible for it. Not only for my own, but hers. 

I've made many mistakes in my life but this was the one I would carry with me for the rest of my life.

I would give _anything_ to take it back. I would go back to graduation night and follow Rose back to her room like she had suggested instead of insisting that she go to that party and enjoy herself. I wouldn't have let Yuri talk me into joining him and the other guardian staff for drinks. I would have never run into Stan. Questions would have never been asked. Accusations would have never been made. I would have never had a reason to doubt. I would have been in my right mind for when Tasha called.

It's funny how I can pin point exactly what went wrong, the smallest change could have meant a completely different outcome. I remembered that night with perfect clarity, it wasn't all bad. In fact it was a _very_ good night.

"_Trust me I have every intention of enjoying myself, and I don't need a party for that." It had been early night for the Moroi so the sun was just beginning to peak over the tree tops. No one was around to witness our little tryst. _

_She had that smile on her face. It was smile that told me that she wanted trouble, the good kind. I had laughed cupping her cheek in the palm of my hand. _

"_You are far too tempting for your own good." My voice was huskier than what was usual._

"_You like it." She had whispered, stretching up on her toes bring her face closer to mine. I met her half way, securing my arms around her waist and pulling her up to me. _

_Slowly I brought my mouth down to meet hers, enjoying the way her breathing hitched and her eyes fluttered close. _

_Every kiss with Rose was something different; every kiss had me falling deeper in love. She stole my breath away, she gave me reason to better. Most days I felt like I was the student , she taught me how to forgive myself, she showed me that it was okay to hurt, but most importantly she showed me what it meant to really love, she was everything to me. And that's what this kiss was. It was love. It was us. _

_Our mouths moved together restlessly, it wasn't long before her tongue sought out mine. I knew all too well where this kiss was headed. Reluctantly I pull away, grazing my lips against her once more. _

"_Still want me to go to that party?" she taunted with a smile, still tightly pressed against me. _

_Resting my head against hers, I couldn't help but smile. "No." _

_She laughed triumphantly kissing my cheek. "But…"_

"_Ugh. No buts!" I smiled kissing her pout away. _

"_I think you should go to the party. Not because I don't want to be elsewhere with you, believe me I do, but because I have duty in the morning and I rather have time to appreciate you fully one last time in our cabin before we leave." I finished with a kiss not pulling back until I was positive that I had her convinced._

"_Keep kissing me like that and we won't even make it to my room." She said with a half lidded expression. _

"_Rose…" I warned, secretly smiling. It was becoming increasingly harder not to smile when I was around was beginning to look suspicious. _

"_Fine, fine, fine."She huffed in mock annoyance pulling away from me. I immediately missed her warmth. "I'll go, but I am holding you to that promise."_

_The soft falls of footsteps alerted us that someone was coming. With a quick tap to my behind she sprinted away laughing over her shoulder at my stunned expression. _

"_Belikov!Just the man I was looking for!" Yuri's voice floated me out of my daze._

That expression 'don't blink' is not far off mark. One night, one too many question that I couldn't answer, one phone call; gone.

Adrian's righteous anger wasn't nearly enough to compensate for what I put her through.

"My intentions don't matter. Not anymore."

With one final look in my direction Eddie took his seat on the couch. I nodded in return, grateful.

"Seriously, what the hell is going on?" Christian asked again his gaze drifting from me to Tasha and finally to Lissa who simply shook her head.

Tasha on the other hand looked gob smacked. She looked to me with concerned blue eyes.

"Dimitri?" I shook my head trying to rid myself of the lingering memories.

"I'm fine." I said, trying to convince myself.

"But are you really?" Lissa's curious gaze slid over to me. She too was scared, scared for her friend. She didn't know what was going to happen any more than I did.

didn't have time to respond and for that I was thankful, because seconds later Rose walked out of her room dressed for her run in a tank top and running shorts, ear buds planted firmly in her ears. She didn't spare a glace to anyone in the room as she headed for the door closing it behind her as she went.

Through the window I could see her at the edge of the driveway, her knees bent as she took off in a sprint speeding away from the house pony tail swaying behind her. I watched her disappear around the corner before I made my decision.

"Where are _you_ going?" It was Christian who stopped me at the door. "I may not know what's going on here but I don't think that following her is such a good idea."

Shaking my head I stepped around him and opened the door. "I let her get away once. I am not going to let it happen again."

And with that I took off in a sprint after her. Mindless of what was going to happen when I caught her.

It wasn't long before I caught sight of her again.

I know she must have heard me coming or at the very least sensed my approach but to my surprise she did not speed up, instead she slowed her pace ever so slightly allowing me to catch up.

Gravity itself seemed to be pulling us closer together. Upon closer inspection I noticed that her ear buds were no longer in her ears, they were wrapped firmly around her wrist. It was by no chance that she had slowed, she knew I was here.

We ran that way for a while side by side, the sound of feet pounding the sidewalk was almost therapeutic. Neither of us spoke.

Things were so complicated between us right now; more so than ever before. Less than forty words had been spoken between us since our ten months apart, but in this moment it was almost as if nothing had changed.

She led me around campus choosing to keep to the pedestrian side walk we were only about half way through the grounds before she suddenly changed directions, I easily followed. I raised my eyebrows in surprise but said nothing.

Catching my gaze out of the corner of her eye she shrugged. "Thirty minutes tops." Was her only response, but I understood her reference to the promise she made to Lissa.

When her neighborhood came into sight she slowed our pace to a slow jog before coming to a stop all together. Heavy breathing was all that could be heard from either one of us. Once we had, at least somewhat, caught out breath we stated walking again.

Once again neither of said anything, content to just be in each other's presents once more; both of us just a little afraid of what would come next.

We walked a little ways before she broke the silence. "What are you doing here, Dimitri?" She had turned her face up towards me letting her guard down. There was no trace of hostility just confusion. There was a mix of emotions there.

When I didn't answer she asked another question. "I thought that this was what you wanted?" She said gesturing to the space between herself and me.

The drive way was suddenly upon us. We stopped. Finally I looked back down to her. So many thoughts were running through my head. There were so many things that I needed to tell her but there was only one thing I wanted her to know. But I couldn't.

"I never wanted this." I finally answered. At her confused look I continued. "I never wanted to hurt you like that, like this; there are a lot of things about those two days after graduation that you don't understand."

She sighed. "Well that couldn't be a more vague answer if you tried."

"I really am sorry." I meant it with all of my heart, but I knew sorry would never be enough.

"You've said that already." She dead panned.

"I mean it; I never wanted to hurt you. It's the last thing that I wanted to happen. In fact it was what I trying to avoid when I left. I don't have words to explain how hard it was to leave. How much it hurt."

"Not nearly as much as it hurt to watch you walk away." Her voice wavered in her efforts to control her emotions.

"Oh Rose…"

"I was getting better, you know. I was trying to move on, it was a slow process but I would have made it. Then you suddenly show up. How am I supposed to handle that? Dimitri, I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to hurt you either." She looked up to me helplessly. "I am not sure what is going to happen, and I honestly don't want to fight. Not anymore. What's done is done, we can act like adults about this, can't we? Whatever _this_ is." Her expression hardened. "I refuse to let another thing be ruined by _this_. It nearly destroyed my friendships, it did a pretty damn good job with my life, but I refuse to let it destroy this trip."

"I didn't come here to hurt you or to intrude on your life. When I left I had intentions to stay away. I really did, life seems to have other plans. If you want me to leave I will. If you want me to go I'll be gone.I only want you to be happy." I nearly dropped to my knees right then. I had to hope that this was for the best. Not only was this my second chance, it was my last.

I suddenly understood that what she was showing me earlier was only glimpses of what I had put her through because the look she gave me right then was so raw and full of pain that only someone who had truly loved could understand. I could understand.

"I _never_ wanted that. I never will. You hurt me. But I don't want you to leave. I don't think I could handle that a second time. As sad as that is, I am not ashamed to admit it. With that being said, I am not going to waste energy trying to hate you anymore,but you are not forgiven did what you thought you had to, I know that. I want you to be happy too. I am just tired of hurting." Her anger seemed to deflate. She looked years above her age.

My heart broke all over again.

She looked back over to me, "Are you with me on this?"

"Always." Her eyes bore back into mine. She looked away after a moment, blinking rapidly.

"Let's be adults about this." She said turning to go back into the house. Her words stung, they brought me back to our last encounter in the gym.

"Rose?"

She looked over to me, her expression too guarded to read. "Yeah?"

"I know sorry will never be enough, but you should know that I will spend the rest of my life trying to prove it to you. I don't deserve forgiveness. I don't expect it because I can't even forgive myself.I messed up. I know that.I am not asking for you to forget everything. I am asking that you will give me a chance to explain myself; one day, maybe not today, or even tomorrow; just one day, whenever you are ready." It was a shot into the wind, but that was nothing new. Everything with me and Rose was something unknown.

Her expression stayed guarded, she wasn't going to let me in anytime soon but her eyes offered me a chance I didn't think I would ever get.

"Come on, Comrade. I think we've kept them waiting long enough." A small smile graced her lips.

My heart swelled at the sight a smile formed on my lips mirroring hers. "I'm right behind you, Roza."

**A/N:**

**Once again Beta-ed by the ever wonderful snowgoose72! You totally rock! **

**And boom goes the dynamite! *happy dance* I did it! Well sort of… so this is technically the second half of chapter two, it was bit long so I decided to divide it in half. So this chapter is a tad shorter than the rest. Next chapter will be in Rose's point of view, and don't worry there won't be any more back tracking, save for the occasional flashback, which I know you guys love. **

**I won't put a definite date on when the next chapter will be up but you can expect it soonish, and may I say things are about to get hot… **

**I wanted to say thank you for the response that I have been getting for this story, guys, that makes my day. I've worked so hard on this story, and truly do want it to be the best that it can be! **

**Writing Dimitri's point of view has made me a bit nervous, what do you guys think? To OOC? If so PLEASE tell me, that is one thing that I absolutely hate! **

**What has been your favorite line in the story so far? **


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